Wild Kingdom
Wild Kingdom, hosted by Marlin Perkins was the beginning of my lifelong love affair with the animal world. Each week, stiff Mr. Perkins would stand in front of a television monitor and stiffly gesture to his audience. He would acquaint me with a still photograph of the mammal he and I would be learning about this week, due to the kind generosity of Mutual of Omaha, our sponsor.
In the two ten minute segments with commercials in-between., Mr. Perkins would treat me to the historical legacy of the animal. "The Grizzly Bear of the North! Alaskan Legacy! Salmon hunters on parade! Join me, Marlin Perkins for the Alaskan Bear Adventure, next on Mutual of Omaha's
Wild Kingdom."
I think of Marlin Perkins as I make my way inside Dunkin Donuts on Wednesday mornings for my weekly treat - one medium coffee with cream, no sugar.
As I wait in line each Wednesday, I fantasize about what he might say about those waiting in line around me. Perhaps it would start like this: "The Human Mammal! Coffee drinkers and their powerful addictions, next on Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom!"
After the first commercial we would see the interior of Dunkin Donuts. Human animals would enter the door to the shop. Humans in line turn to steal a glance at the other coffee seekers, and watch to be sure they don't cut the line. Some feel threatened and hunker down to distinguish their place. They mark their territory by shuffling their feet or sticking out their elbows.
At the front of the watering hole, hot water filters through ground beans and becomes the fluid of obsession for these powerful caffeinated creatures. Some are nervous. They shake coins in their pants pockets to signal worry and distress. They agitate over their food supply. As they wait in line, they use their superior thinking skills to calculate the number of double chocolate glazed donuts which remain in the food baskets lining the back of the watering hole. There are five people ahead of me in line. Four double chocolate glazed donuts are left. Oh! One is grabbed from its bin by a piece of strong tissue paper and dropped into a wax paper bag. Three donuts are left, four people are in line.
Suddenly all the animals look up as they hear the insufferable beep of the drive thru alarm. We freeze, like deer in a field, knowing another hunter is approaching. "Welcome to Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru", the employee says. All eyes are on the remaining three double chocolate glazed donuts as the watering hole helper says out loud into her head set "I have a number two, 1 medium coffee with five sugars and two double chocolate glazed donuts." Breathing quickens. The agitated mammals begin protecting their
personal space in line again. An undulating anxiety rises up from the herd. Marlin Perkins breaks in to relieve the tension before commercial break.
"How will this group of human animals determine who gets the last double chocolate glazed donut? The answer will surprise you, right after a word from our sponsor, The Mutual of Omaha.
When there wasn't enough salmon, the grizzly bears fought each other right there in the river. What would the human donut eaters do? I move up in line. Mr. Perkins is back. "When we last left the watering hole, there was only one double chocolate glazed donut left. Most of the humans were visibly distressed over this situation. Let's rejoin our program to see what will happen next!"
Amazingly, an employee ambles behind the watering hole and swaps the rack which holds only one double chocolate glazed donut and replaces that rack with a full tray of thirty double chocolate glazed donuts.
A collective sigh is heard from the human crowd waiting in line. The preparedness for fight or flight subsides. I am first in line. I receive my coffee and turn to leave the watering hole. "This is Marlin Perkins. Join me next week when we see live footage of people in the speedy check out line, with more than the acceptable number of items at Price Chopper Superstore. Thanks for joining us on Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom!
by Fran Lynggaard Hansen |
